Author Archives: Daniella

How to Deal with Crap Feelings

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Ever feel insecure? Like you’re not good enough, smart enough, or sexy enough to be in a relationship?

Ummmm, yeah. I know I have. And so has my client Carrie.* (names have been changed.) I met Carrie after a relationship that left her feeling–you guessed it–insecure, not smart enough, sexy enough or good enough. And she vowed to NEVER EVER feel those negative emotions again.

The Good News: She was doing pretty good on her promise to herself. She wasn’t feeling insecure.

The BAD News: She was single and lonely. Carrie wanted to be in a loving, respectful relationship. But she just wasn’t meeting anyone.

I asked her, “What would happened if you embraced those negative feelings, and welcomed them?”

Carrie scrunched up her face as if to say, “yeah right, not gonna happen.”

But what if these negative emotions weren’t coming up to make us miserable, but instead as a call to action? For Carrie, feeling insecure in her relationship meant she had to reassess the relationship and decide for herself if she wanted to be in it or not. That is, before he broke up with her.

How about if you have a shitty first date and you’re feeling crappy about yourself? Well, instead of pushing those emotions down to the bottom of a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, maybe you can take those feelings and DO something.

But what? Here’s a suggestion: call your best friend to get a HUGE confidence boost! Tell her to remind you of why she loves you, what you do for people, and how truly fantabulous you are. And ejoy your heaping dose of warm fuzzies!

Would that have happened if you pushed the insecurities away? Nope. You would have missed out on hearing about your great sense of humor, style, and your caring personality.

Now I want to hear from you. I KNOW you’ve felt shitty emotions in your life. What do you do with them? Do you PUSH negative emotions away like they’re the plague? OR have you learned from negative emotions and use them as a reminder you’ve got to DO something? Leave a comment and let me know what you think!

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Why You Gotta Be So MEAN?

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Why you gotta be so MEAN?

One of my clients is the nicest woman I know. In fact, she defines herself by her generosity toward her friends and family. So I was SHOCKED when she told me that she was MEAN to ex-boyfriend during their break-up. She insulted him, put him own, and basically treated him like crap.

WHY?

She explained that he would be devastated if he got dumped, so she just couldn’t do it. Instead, she figured she just  “show him” how much the relationship wasn’t working by being, ya know, mean. In time, he would figure it out and break up with her.

Logical, right? UH, WRONG.

That’s just mean.

Being mean isn’t doing anyone any favors. No matter how sad, upsetting, or devastating a break-up feels, communicating honestly and intimately is the kindest thing you can do.

What do you think? Let me know in the comments–have you ever acted mean to get someone else to dump you? OR, have you been honest, intimate and connected even through a break up? 

TIll I see you soon, take good care of your sweet heart.

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Is Dating Making You Unhealthy?

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Dating can be lots of fun–you get to meet new people, check out interesting restaurants, bars and cafes, have some fun adventures, and meet interesting people. Lot’s to look forward to, right?!

But what if dating is making you unhealthy? What if you’ve worked hard to create a healthy, balanced lifestyle for yourself? You wouldn’t want dating to get in the way of that, would you?

That’s what I asked a client after her date with a sexy, charismatic man. They met for a quick tea before he had to jet to a dark and crowded club where he and his band were playing. It was a typical night for him. He drank, partied, he knew everyone and never paid to see a show.

After their date he got in a cab to rock out, and she took the F train home to cook a vegetarian dinner.

She was shaken. You see, he had the lifestyle that she used to have. And it tempted her, big time. “I could do that.” she thought. “I know that life, I’d fit right in.”

So asked her, “Do you want to?”

“Well……no. I’ve worked too hard to create my healthy lifestyle. I’m proud of it. And I don’t want to give that up.”

In that moment, it became clear for her. Dating would NOT make her unhealthy. Instead, she vowed to only date men who understood and respected her newly healthy lifestyle and enhanced it, not threatened it.

Let me know in the comment section–What do you think? Would you date someone who had a different lifestyle than you? Have you ever been tempted you to change your own lifestyle to make the relationship work?

Can’t wait to hear! Till I see you in the comments section, take good care of your sweet heart!

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