How to Deal with Crap Feelings

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Ever feel insecure? Like you’re not good enough, smart enough, or sexy enough to be in a relationship?

Ummmm, yeah. I know I have. And so has my client Carrie.* (names have been changed.) I met Carrie after a relationship that left her feeling–you guessed it–insecure, not smart enough, sexy enough or good enough. And she vowed to NEVER EVER feel those negative emotions again.

The Good News: She was doing pretty good on her promise to herself. She wasn’t feeling insecure.

The BAD News: She was single and lonely. Carrie wanted to be in a loving, respectful relationship. But she just wasn’t meeting anyone.

I asked her, “What would happened if you embraced those negative feelings, and welcomed them?”

Carrie scrunched up her face as if to say, “yeah right, not gonna happen.”

But what if these negative emotions weren’t coming up to make us miserable, but instead as a call to action? For Carrie, feeling insecure in her relationship meant she had to reassess the relationship and decide for herself if she wanted to be in it or not. That is, before he broke up with her.

How about if you have a shitty first date and you’re feeling crappy about yourself? Well, instead of pushing those emotions down to the bottom of a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, maybe you can take those feelings and DO something.

But what? Here’s a suggestion: call your best friend to get a HUGE confidence boost! Tell her to remind you of why she loves you, what you do for people, and how truly fantabulous you are. And ejoy your heaping dose of warm fuzzies!

Would that have happened if you pushed the insecurities away? Nope. You would have missed out on hearing about your great sense of humor, style, and your caring personality.

Now I want to hear from you. I KNOW you’ve felt shitty emotions in your life. What do you do with them? Do you PUSH negative emotions away like they’re the plague? OR have you learned from negative emotions and use them as a reminder you’ve got to DO something? Leave a comment and let me know what you think!



Is Dating Making You Unhealthy?

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Dating can be lots of fun–you get to meet new people, check out interesting restaurants, bars and cafes, have some fun adventures, and meet interesting people. Lot’s to look forward to, right?!

But what if dating is making you unhealthy? What if you’ve worked hard to create a healthy, balanced lifestyle for yourself? You wouldn’t want dating to get in the way of that, would you?

That’s what I asked a client after her date with a sexy, charismatic man. They met for a quick tea before he had to jet to a dark and crowded club where he and his band were playing. It was a typical night for him. He drank, partied, he knew everyone and never paid to see a show.

After their date he got in a cab to rock out, and she took the F train home to cook a vegetarian dinner.

She was shaken. You see, he had the lifestyle that she used to have. And it tempted her, big time. “I could do that.” she thought. “I know that life, I’d fit right in.”

So asked her, “Do you want to?”

“Well……no. I’ve worked too hard to create my healthy lifestyle. I’m proud of it. And I don’t want to give that up.”

In that moment, it became clear for her. Dating would NOT make her unhealthy. Instead, she vowed to only date men who understood and respected her newly healthy lifestyle and enhanced it, not threatened it.

Let me know in the comment section–What do you think? Would you date someone who had a different lifestyle than you? Have you ever been tempted you to change your own lifestyle to make the relationship work?

Can’t wait to hear! Till I see you in the comments section, take good care of your sweet heart!



HELP–All Of My Friends Are Married!

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Ever feel like you’re the only single person left? Like there’s NO ONE to hang out with because all your friends are either married or in long term relationships? Kind of what a drag, right?

Well, maybe not.

Maybe hanging out with your married friends isn’t such a bad thing. Here’s why:

It’s so secret that the people you hang out with are you biggest influencers. If they’re happy, there’s a good chance you’ll be happy too. If they’re healthy, chances are you will be too. It’s natural–the more we hang around with someone, the more we take on their habits and characteristics. Sometimes we might even start dressing like those people!

It’s usually not a conscious choice. Think about it–do you go to yoga class because all of your friends will be there after work? Of course. But what if your closest friends chose to go to happy hour every day? Chances are that soon you’d be drinking cocktails along with them, instead of sweating it out in downward dog.

Now back to your married friends. What if the people you’re hanging around are in happy and healthy relationships, the kinds of relationships you’d like to be in some day? Well, like other influencers, you’ll start to take on their habits, thoughts, and perspectives. Think that’s a good thing? You betcha!

Because thinking and behaving like they do will help you to be more like them. You’ll feel what it’s like to be in their situation. And by feeling it, you’ll start to become more like a person who’s in a great relationship. And when you feel it from the inside out, that’s when you attract the relationship you want. Why? The feeling is already there in you!

So, maybe it’s not such a bad thing to hang out with all your married friends?

Whattya think? Is it a drag to hang out with all the marrieds? Or you biggest relationship secret weapon? Let me know in the comments section, I can’t wait to hear. I know this is sort of a doozy so keep the comments coming.